“Why did God give us sexual desire if it's a bad thing? Even if you only lust over your spouse, you would most likely have felt lust for them before you married. After all, lust plays a big part in our choice of marriage partner. So why did God set us up to fail?”
You seem to be confusing lust and sexual desire. God did give us sexual desire and it’s not a bad thing. In fact it’s a good thing. How else would we be attracted to a prospective spouse, and why would we even procreate if there was no “desire”?
So, what then is the difference between sexual attraction and lust? One dictionary says that “lust” is “uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness.” Or to put it another way, lust is pornography of the mind.
How then do we know the difference between "looking" and lusting? The answer is to listen to your God-given conscience. It will tell you . . . if you have a mind to listen. There's nothing wrong with simply seeing someone and having the automatic thought that she's attractive. But that's different from then formulating sexual thoughts about that person to lust for her. In case you're having trouble hearing from your conscience, here's another clue to help you: How would you feel if your spouse were doing that behavior? Would you mind it if she was entertaining lustful thoughts for other men, having sexual fantasies about someone other than you? We often have a hard time seeing wrong behavior in ourselves, but have no trouble seeing it in others.
So God isn’t the one to blame for "setting us up to fail." To believe that would be like a criminal saying to a judge, “Judge, I raped that woman, but it really isn’t my fault. God made me with sexual desire so it's His fault.” If that won’t hold water in a court of law, it’s not going to be a valid defense on Judgment Day.
Look at how serious lust is in God’s sight:
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell” (Matthew 5:27-30).
However, our real problem isn’t lust. That’s just one large branch of the tree of our sinful nature. If we want to avoid the damnation of Hell, we have to (with the help of God) take an axe to the root of the tree, and that can be done only through repentance toward God and faith in Jesus Christ.
You may have skipped over the words “damnation of Hell,” but that is a good motivating factor to repent. Let me put it another way. If I said to you that you need to give up chocolate, you would probably be horrified. However, if I proved to you that if you ate any more chocolate, it would kill you, you would then have a strong motivation to give it up, despite it being so palatable to your taste. So give the issue some serious thought. It’s your choice…and it’s your eternity.
Disclaimer: Worldview Weekend, Christian Worldview Network and its columnists do not necessarily endorse or agree with every opinion expressed in every article posted on this site. We do however, encourage a healthy and friendly debate on the issues of our day. Whether you agree or disagree, we encourage you to post your feedback by using the feedback button.
Falling back in or breaking free from the serpents grasp
Posted On: 06/09/08 01:30:55 PM
Age 33, OK
in our lives,daily struggle a lot of us have to face in this pagan world. Both Rome,Greek,and Pompei communities came down for this amoung other sins.
I read online a list of scriptures in the Psalms rabbi said would help guard sexual purity it helped a few times. When I prayed when I avoided temptations(the devil with his foot in the door)the Lord kept me. I watched a dvd about a passionate young man battling past demons he said he started praying and weightlifting to guard purity.
There are several good dvd sets and books James Robinson speakers and other ministries have on this subject. They even have promise jewelry for young women. When the enemy knows he has a good weapon to use against you and he feels you are emproaching on his territory he likes to pull it out of his bag of tricks, the way is to keep our defenses up. Click here to reply to this post
Re: What About Single Men & Women.
Posted On: 05/26/08 12:32:02 AM
Age 60, OR
38yrs ago, in the Mil, as an unplugged RC, before I became a Christian, I began to reason that Hollywood's "Fall in love, fall out of love, opposites attract, Etc.." was illogical, ungodly, make-believe BS. I reasoned that, here in Western Civ. where we are 'free' from pre-arraigned marriages, one needs to learn about & search each candidate for areas where both compatibilities & complementarity unite, and I knew for me it was more than "want to"; I "need to/had to" get married. 37yrs ago, after accepting Jesus, and dating awhile, each 1-2 days to 2 weeks at most, & quickly finding nothing but incompatibilities I began to realize the world population was 5 Bil., 1/2 of which were female, & that I could spend a thousand lifetimes trying to "find the right one" to no avail. I asked God to solve this impossibility & He began to open, not my eyes at all, but rather, a series of event with a most unlikely, contrarian, non-Christian co-worker. Later on when she finally came to church with me she accepted Jesus & then events led to the big ?... 36yrs, 5 sons, & 9 grandkids later, I think God likes handling impossibilities... Read Abraham's Chief servant's impossible prayer request in Gen. 24 - Nothing is impossible to our God. DanRN Click here to reply to this post
Can't Argue with the Word, but...
Posted On: 05/23/08 06:55:38 PM
Age 47, VA
...all sounds great but suppose you are in a sexless marriage? I always wanted my wife to be a 1 Corinthians woman. For the most part she is. Except for the sex. A no-go in this household. Click here to reply to this post
Tough call...
Posted On: 05/24/08 07:41:31 PM
Age 21, ENGLAND
... Hey thought I would add some feedback to your post.
It seems like a tough situation you are in. Think of it this way though, when you stand before God when this life is over, you will have to answer for your actions and what you have done and nobody else, even if your wife wont have sex, that doesnt excuse you from living in obedience to God.
Please dont think I am writing this lightly, for various reason at the age of 21 I know i will spend my entire life in celibacy, this wasnt an easy choice to make or a path to take, but it is the right one because at the end of this life God will know that I obeyed Him in spite of everything, and the same can be said for you. Life without sex is / will be tough, but to follow God in the tough bits aswell as the easy bits is worth it and when you do that God rewards faithfulness.
I hope that the situation with your wife could end, and you should speak to her about it as the Bible warn about the dangers of a sexless marriage. However, I hope more that you will follow God through thick and thin, and stay faithful to your wife and to God, because obeying God's word is so important - and Proverbs 28:9 warns that "If anyone turns a deaf ear to my instruction, even their prayers are detestable." Scary stuff... but God rewards us for following Him!!!!!!!!!!!!! Click here to reply to this post
What About Single Men and Women.
Posted On: 05/23/08 04:50:23 PM
Age 30, WA
What about Christian single men? Everyone always just figures everyone's married. Well, it just so happens that I am not married yet and I am a Christian with a strong sexual drive. Anybody have any ideas for me? Do I marry just so I don't live in sin anymore? Because that is what I want so badly, but is that any reason to marry a woman? No, of course not. I know I'm not a eunuch, that's for sure. Maybe I'm single because I've been disobedient for so many years. I am living an unfulfilled life, and I might be complaining about it, as I just noticed. I got myself into this situation, anybody have any ideas how to get out of this situation practically and with living in victory over sin? Click here to reply to this post
I don't know
Posted On: 05/23/08 10:26:12 PM
Age 31, IA
I felt the same way when I was single, no thanks to the jerks that fill our churches. Churchians take the attitude that singleness is a sin or a desease. My church has a singles ministry that simultaneously provides an outlet for singles and basically fuels the churchian attitude about singles. The best I can say is pray, read your Bible, listen to experts on Scripture and move around. Look around at different niches in church, maybe look at different churches. But stay fluid. Get involved. Keep your mind off dating when you meet people. Then see what happens. Click here to reply to this post
SELF CONTROL
Posted On: 05/23/08 07:32:29 PM
Age 45, NJ
If you are like the rest of us you will have a modicum of self control. If Mom walked in the room you would suddenly be able to stop so it's a lie to say you cannot... you just CHOOSE to not. As scripture says you are to do, you practice self control with repetition and gain control over your lusts. If it were impossible the Bible would not say you can, so you CAN.
Obey. It's just that simple. Trust and obey. MAN up, stop your sniveling and obey.
Patrick@OnlyJesusSaves.com Click here to reply to this post
sexual desires
Posted On: 05/23/08 03:08:07 PM
Age 51, NC
Thank you Lord for the timeliness of Your word!I belong to a Divorce Care group and this past wed. one of our men shared quite openly about missing the marital bed. Nearly all of us in the group are divorced or separated due to infidelity.We are all hurt and struggling with the unfairness of the other spouse selfishly running away from their vows. Yes, I know this is the time to focus on Jesus and yes, I know the Lord will deal with the offending spouse as well as our own hurts......We cover the whole spectrum in Divorce Care--from what does God say about divorce to forgiveness, reconciliation, etc... I am open to help here please.... thank you , deborah Click here to reply to this post
JESUS IS EVERYTHING - THERE IS NOTHING BUT HIM
Posted On: 05/24/08 08:51:33 AM
Age 64, OH
My wife left me and her vows 20 years ago. She was the love of my life and I had gave my heart to her and could not stop loving her. I could not imagine living life without her. I could not even think of being celibate. I was so miserable for years but focused on raising my son and teaching him to know Jesus. I kept away from women and when one would make a pass at me I would turn away. I had determined that my son did not need another woman in his life, for it was hard enough for him. Now 20 years later I am very content. I have come to know the Lord Jesus by the fellowship of His sufferings. I spend every day with Him and He walks with me and He talks with me and He tells me I am His own. I spend a lot of time in the scriptures with just Jesus and me. He has Revealed Himself to me and I would not trade it for a woman. I look at my friends who are married, or have a girlfriend and see the misery in their life. I have come to agree with Paul that being single is much easier for I only have to please the Lord and His yoke is easy. My friends are trying to please another human which is very difficult if not impossible. I am not saying you should remain single, but am just saying it will take time to learn to be content in the Lord Jesus and when you do you will be content. I am a male so I know that I can not understand your position, sorry. Lou Click here to reply to this post
SEXUAL LOVE IS TO TEACH US HOW WE ARE TO LOVE JESUS
Posted On: 05/22/08 04:43:36 PM
Age 64, OH
The Holy Scriptures tells us that there is a spiritual purpose for the sexual love that a man and woman share. It says the mystery of the way a man loves a woman and the way she loves him is to show the way Jesus loves His church and the way the church is to love Him. What person wants a mate that does not love them with passion. I do NOT want a woman who makes love to me out of duty. I want a woman who makes love to me because she could not stop herself any more than she could stop breathing. I do not want a woman who would leave a preacher show her how to make love so that she then could then make love to me better. Jesus does not want us to love Him just out of duty but he desires us to be compelled to serve Him out of love for Him. Jesus does not want a servant who follows other men in order to be able to follow Him. Jesus wants us to fully surrender to Him and then trust Him to take our life and do with it as He pleases. If we would listen to another man it would only be to ask Jesus if that is His voice. If it is Him we would follow and if not we would not. I do not want a woman who is faithful to me because she does not want to sin, although that is better than unfaithfulness. I want a woman who is faithful to me because the thought of any other man making love to her is very disgusting to her. There is much to be learned in how we would desire a woman to love us. Lou Click here to reply to this post
This is right on target. It is important to call sin what it is and to not mince words, and this is what you have done. As you stated, we must take an axe to the root of the tree. The only true lasting way to do this is through true repentance and faith in Jesus Christ. I would assume that this is a difficult area for most men (at least it is for me). It is important for men to completely focus their sexual desires on their wife. And, it is also helpful if the wives would allow their husbands to be able to have this focus, at least once in a while, without begging. 1 Corinthians 7:5 says "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control." It is difficult to remain pure if your wife does not allow you to have this focus, even just once in a while. Click here to reply to this post
Woodrow Kroll, David Jeremiah,Sean McDowell, Josh McDowell, David Barton, Carl Kerby, Frank Harber, Kerby Anderson, and the Branson Family Reunion DVD Set! This is a $74.95 value for only $34.95! FREE worksheet with purchase!
Russell O'Quinn, Steve Saint, Dr. Michael Youssef, Dr. Erwin Lutzer, Bob Lepine, Star Parker, Kirk Cameron, Ray Comfort, and the Branson Family Reunion DVD Set! This is a $74.95 value for only $34.95!
“Why did God give us sexual desire if it's a bad thing? Even if you only lust over your spouse, you would most likely have felt lust for them before you married. After all, lust plays a big part in our choice of marriage partner. So why did God set us up to fail?”
