Few subjects are more complicated and emotionally charged than divorce and remarriage. Church leaders are inundated, and many times confused and frustrated, by questions related to divorce and remarriage. This is not a matter of theory for those who minister in the Church. People we love are being profoundly affected by the fragmentation of the family—at all levels in the life of the Church. There is never a time in our Church when we are not dealing with matters related to separation, divorce and remarriage. I only expect this to increase in the days ahead and I believe young pastors in particular have not been adequately prepared for dealing with it. We need solid biblical guidance and large doses of wisdom. I was recently asked an important question about what Scripture teaches concerning divorce and remarriage. Here is the question and response. I await feedback.
Question:Does I Corinthians 7:12-16 allow for a believer to divorce an unbeliever if abandoned by him/her?
The New International Version is not helpful in understanding the meaning of this text. It reads as follows:
1 Corinthians 7:12-16 (New International Version)
12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
Answer:
While it appears that the text makes a provision for divorce and remarriage, I do not believe it is the proper use of it. The question is what does “not under bondage” and “God has called us to peace” mean? The emphasis of the text is on staying together. The key is in the “But….For” construction from v. 15 to v. 16. Unfortunately, the NIV does not retain the exactness of the Greek structure as the NASB does (See below).
Based on V. 15,– “BUT” (i.e. -in contrast with leaving—God has called us to peace–i.e. seeking to stay together). This way of interpreting the text is strengthened by the “FOR” of v. 16 which focuses on potential spiritual influence through ongoing contact and relationship.
The NIV gives the impression that “God has called us to peace” means “you don’t have to live in the bondage of a marriage to an unbeliever”. This is simply wrong. So, again, while the text makes a provision for separation, I would be slow to turn it into a simple blank check for divorce and remarriage as some have interpreted it. Instead, the emphasis is on doing what we can to reach the unbelieving spouse with the gospel: verse 16 —“Forhow do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?”
“Not under bondage” does indicate an allowance for marital separation which in the text is the choice of the unbeliever to abandon the marriage. But, based on the rest of the text, it would not be right to stretch this to a “just let him go” attitude without some kind of effort to preserve and protect the union—with the aim of Christian witness. The text simply does not go on to explain where the marriage itself “ends up”. This is where pastoral counseling must look at a case by case evaluation and include application of other biblical principles.
Now, it could be the case that a believer is abandoned by an unbeliever and has done all he/she can to preserve the marriage. We (the Church) must not jump to superficial judgments when hearing of a separation. I’ve dealt with cases where the unbeliever has left and chosen to unfaithful. This brings the teaching of Jesus in Matthew 19:3-10 into view. There Jesus makes a provision for divorce and remarriage based on marital unfaithfulness. BUT, Jesus does not “prescribe” divorce and remarriage, He “permits” it. This is an important distinction because Scripture does prescribe forgiveness and reconciliation as the highest ethical calling for the believer. Therefore, even in cases of unfaithfulness, the prescription of forgiveness and reconciliation should be pursued. Yet having said this, Jesus does make a clear provision for divorce and remarriage in cases of marital unfaithfulness.
This is an important but not widely understood interpretation of I Corinthians 7. The divorce and remarriage issue is complex and if you want a more in-depth study, I would recommend my 5 part series on the subject: “Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage” (originally produced on cassette but transferred to CDs). This can be ordered by contacting our Church office at 717-872-4260 or through email at office@millersvillebiblechurch.org
Provide full mailing information. The cost to cover expenses of production is $10.00 plus shipping. I also have a recent series: “Marriage as God ordained it”. This series is more about the marriage relationship itself. The other series deals specifically with what the Bible teaches about “Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage.” The cost is the same for this series
I Corinthians 7:13-16 (NASB) A Better translation.
13And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
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You say that if a partner cheats on the other then Jesus permits divorce but it is not his will, for we should forgive. There is a difference between forgiveness and staying in the marriage. A partner who cheats has opened up the relationship to disease and demonic spiritual problems. The Christian should forgive the cheating partner but that does NOT mean it is God's will for them to stay married. The scripture also says if a wife leaves and marries another it is an abomination to take her back if she then leaves the second husband. Has not the cheating partner consummated a marriage with the one they have cheated with. It is not a matter of forgiveness. We are always to work toward forgiveness. But that does not mean that they should remain married. If Jesus permits divorce then that is not sin or not falling short. You imply that the victim is required to do what God does not ask. The commands of God are perfect. We are told not to have sex with a prostitute for we are becoming one with her. She has spiritual diseases and probably physical diseases. We are told not to join ourself with her. So what would be the difference with having sex with the unfaithful wife who has sex outside of the marriage with one like herself. One could say it would not be wise to join themselves with her any more than it would the prostitute. If I had a wife who cheated on me then I would be very much in prayer before I would take her back. I would not take her back without the Lord's direction. The divorce problem could be helped tremendously if the courts held them to the same standard as they did business. The one who broke the contract by leaving or cheating should lose the house and custody of the children. They should also be the one to pay support. This would put a stop to many divorces. Lou Click here to reply to this post
THE COVENANT KEEPER IS ALWAYS FREE
Posted On: 12/22/07 01:03:35 AM
Age 64, OH
I do not see where there is any confusion in the NIV for it means what the English plainly says. A believer MUST NOT leave their mate. If they do they must go back or forever remain single. This is instructions to the one who leaves. But if a believer is married to an unbeliever and the unbeliever is CONTENT TO STAY then the believer MUST NOT LEAVE. But if the unbeliever is NOT CONTENT TO STAY OR LEAVES the believer, then the believer is NOT BOUND. That means that the believer is free; or as it says not bound in marriage. It is very simple; the innocent or covenant keeper is always free for they did not break the covenant. But the one who breaks the covenant is in sin if they do not return. The mate who has their partner leave can not make them stay. They are not responsible for the sin of another. So the one who stayed in the marriage and who has a partner who leaves is free to marry again. They are not held as a slave to a marriage that the other has broken. Of course you will have people try to abuse this by mistreating a partner and hoping they will leave. Or cheating on the partner; if they cheat then they have broken the covenant and the sin is on them. I have seen churches mistreat other Christians over this for years. A man who has a wife who leaves him and he did not cheat on her; and he later remarries is often treated as a sinner. They say he can not preach because he has had more than one wife. He does not have more than one wife; for the scripture says he is NOT BOUND to the woman who left him and he is free to marry again. He is free to preach the same as a man who has a wife that died and he remarried. When the mans wife dies he is free or if the mans wife leaves him and he did all he could to keep the covenant then he is free the same as she had died. I have seen churches accept a man who had murdered another man and then repented and was out of jail and they let this man preach in their church. But the same church would not let a man who had a wife break the marriage covenant with him and they treated him worse than a murderer. There is forgiveness for murder but not forgiveness for a man who has the sadness of losing the love of his life. The second man did not even sin. This is why the church is in such a sorry state today. It is injustice and lack of mercy that they have treated many with that is bringing judgment on the church. Lou Click here to reply to this post
Divorce and remarriage
Posted On: 12/21/07 09:26:23 AM
Age 61, MO
The children in Churchianity are schooled in adultery long before they get married. The Bible says that it is better to marry than to burn, but we often say it is better to burn for several years than to get married before you have your money in order. We delay the marriage of our children for the sake of education so they can get a "better" job, which is to say, so they can get more money. MONEY then decides if they will marry, who they will marry and when they will marry. While our children are waiting to get old enough and monied enough to "get married;" we allow them to play "the dating game", thinking that if we allow them to indulge in a little foreplay, that this will tide them over until they are allowed to go all the way. Everyone on television commits fornication and adultery and get away with it, so why not? Sexual innuendo is frequently written into all kinds of commercials. The best way to avoid divorce and remarriage is to nip it in the bud with a solid marrital committment made in the eyes of God. George Cancilla Click here to reply to this post
What about clean/unclean children???
Posted On: 12/20/07 04:48:57 PM
Age 51, MN
Steve,
I appreciate your comments on the divorce/remarriage question for I Cor. 7.
Since we're on that chapter, could you say a few words re: the children? What I mean is, does the believing spouse confer some holiness on the kids, according to the verse, and does it "wear off" or go away as the child reaches some magic age??? And what happens if the believing spouse dies, and the remaining one marries a non-believer?
And where does this leave newborns of 2 unbelieving parents?
I'm not trying to be funny, nor make light of the verse, only trying to place this into context w/ the rest of my (admittedly) limited knowledge of Scripture.
I'd appreciate some insight... Click here to reply to this post
Divorce and Remarriage
Posted On: 12/20/07 01:52:58 PM
Age 52, WI
I can see from 1 Corinthians and the gospels where a person is allowed to separate/divorce under certain circumstances, but nowhere can I find Scripture which specifically allows remarriage. In fact, in Romans chapter 7, Paul states that someone who tries to be married to their sin and Christ commits spiritual adultery, and to underline his point he uses the law (which he says is holy and just and good)which states "if while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if the husband be dead, she is free from that law..." While Paul used the Mosaic law to to reinforce our marriage to Christ, at the same time he categorically disallowed remarriage. Click here to reply to this post
Ah, but we don't to obey...we want a loophole
Posted On: 12/21/07 11:13:28 PM
Age 44, TN
When I was 24, I left my husband and returned to the house of my parents with two small children. My husband was an abusive drunk. I was a new christian, so I only understood the scriptures as I read them, literally. It seemed clear to me that Jesus taught divorce was permitted in a few circumstance, but without remarriage. When you submit to Jesus as Lord, it means you obey Him. My husband and I reunited after 11 months. nine years later he was radically saved. Those were nine VERY difficult years during which I could never have imagined the marvelous work of grace God would perform in him. We have been married now for 23 years and they've been the best 10 years of my live. Click here to reply to this post
THE ONE WHO IS LEFT IS NOT BOUND
Posted On: 12/21/07 10:29:23 PM
Age 64, OH
1 Cor 7:15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is NOT BOUND in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?-- the scripture says if a mate leaves their own mate then they are bound to return or live single the rest of their life. But if the one partner leaves the other then the one who is left is NOT BOUND. If they are not bound then they are free. if they are free then they are as unmarried. The innocent partner is not punished but can remarry. Lou Click here to reply to this post
re: not bound... questions Lou
Posted On: 12/24/07 12:55:40 AM
Age 52, GA
In the same chapter, it seems you have overlooked some key verses that contradict your position. "And unto the married I command, [yet] not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from [her] husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife." 1 Cor. 7:10-11. "The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord." 1 Cor. 7:39. My question Lou regards your defense of being unbound, as the same as being unmarried. For instance, if a woman's husband departs and she decides she will not continue in patience to pray for him (you actually referred to 1 Cor. 7:16), so she gets a divorce, which would allow her supposedly to remarry. If a Christian man is not supposed to marry a divorced woman, how can she get remarried "only in the Lord" as a widow might? Do you have the departed husband declared legally dead? If you had a son that had never been married, never been with a woman, and he began going with this woman, would you look forward to, and bless their union? Or would you prefer a virginal bride for him? What if the first husband came back? It seems difficult to include not being bound, as the same thing as being sanctified for remarriage. Are you in a remarriage situation? Is that why you focus on that particular verse? Historically virgins have always been valued, once virginity is lost, it's lost. Christ our Lord wants to come back for a spotless church, a virginal bride. Is life here supposed to be easy and fair for a believer? I didn't read that part, but we have the hope, so we keep the faith. Click here to reply to this post
JESUS CHRIST - OUR ONLY HOPE
Posted On: 12/27/07 10:20:07 AM
Age 64, OH
1st my wife left me 20 years ago and I have remained unmarried and have not dated, even though she has remarried. 2nd - I agree with the scripture and the one that you state is about Christian couples. It agrees with what I have stated; it is the partner that leaves the marriage that is the covenant breaker ( unless the other has cheated) and the one who leaves is being disobedient to he Lord as Paul points out. Paul says the one who breaks the covenant is to return to the marriage or FOREVER remain single. I would agree with what Paul has said. But if a partner breaks the marriage covenant then the one who has stayed faithful is not bound forever. You talk of virgins and the desire to have a virgin for your son. Well what about the faithful partner who has a unfaithful partner. They are just supposed to overlook the fact that their spouse has been preforming all kinds of sex acts with another person and take them back. Jesus is merciful and just and He gave the faithful partner permission to not be bound by a covenant that has been broken. I made my decision of what to do after my wife left. I found the advise and counsel of most of those around me to be human at best. I found the ones who spoke the voice of the Holy Spirit to be very rare. I stayed single for the sake of my son who was only one year of age. I did not feel it would be good for him to have yet another person in his life. It was hard enough for him to deal with the divorce and then the remarriage of his mother. But I am not bound in the covenant any longer; she left and has been remarried for years. I do not think others should sit around making decisions for the people who are involved in the tragedy of a broken marriage. I do not want to make the decision for another person and would not. For they are the Lord's servant and not mine. If I would make the decision for them then I have been party to their being UNFAITHFUL to their Lord. For they are to follow Him and not me. I would advise anyone involved in a broken covenant to read the scriptures very carefully while seeking the counsel of The Holy Spirit and ask Him to lead them and cause them to do His will by His mercy and grace. This is what I did and I am at peace with my decision to remain single. But if the Holy Spirit would lead me into another relationship, while I would be fearful and very careful, I would have to obey my Lord would I not. Often the situation has been made very complicated by the sin of people and what is right and wrong is beyond the wisdom of men. We should read the scriptures very careful but then it is the Counselor that we need to have interpret what he meant when He wrote them. The Holy Spirit of the Lord Jesus Christ is our only hope; whether it is a simple matter of should we go to the store, or the question of marriage. He is the One we should follow and trust to lead us for he is able and willing to do so. He is never the problem; the problem is always us. Are we truly wanting to do His will or are we trying to twist things so we can have our own way. I have found the fruits of my own way are very bitter and my entire hope is built on the hope that I am His bond servant. If I am not willing to do His will then I pray that He make me willing to do His will. He is Almighty God and His arm is NOT too short to save. Lou Click here to reply to this post
What about abuse?
Posted On: 12/20/07 10:01:12 AM
Age 48, CA
HAving been through divorce (My previous reply) I would not wsih it on my worse enemy. However, The Late Dr. J Vernon McGee once preached "Paul was preaching to believers. A Woman is not obligated to submit to a godless wife beating alchoholic husband." All too often, Churches continue to send women back to thier godless wife beating child abusing husbands and tell to continue submitting. Recently, the Promise Keepers claimed to have "Cured" a wife beater and his Church rebuked his wife to return to him. He beat her yet again. When she tried to move out. he abushed her and beat her with a 2X4 making her brain dead.
His Church is defending him claiming it was her fault for failing to submit to her husband. Divorce is like an amputation. Never pleasant but sometimes necessary.
Any spouse who abuses another and forces them nto bondage to their drug use, alcholism, or other vices is in no position to demand his or her spouse submit and be in bondage with them. I would never send a spouse, either male or female back to thier godless abusive drug addict and tell them to submit. Drugs are more aduterous than onother lover. You can always confront the other lover. Drugs seep into every crevce of a home. Click here to reply to this post
I myself am guilty of this
Posted On: 12/20/07 09:52:46 AM
Age 48, CA
In my first marriage (Yes I am remarried) My wife and stepdaughter were both drug addicts. The daughter dropped out of school. Imagine the worst boyffriend a daughter could have and this is what she was bringing home and sleeping with. Money was always tight not only because of the drugs but also the lose spending habbits which drigs brings about in other areas.
Any attempt to take charge of the situation as the man of the house was met with violence. Any and all counselors informed me that I was the problem. CPS even went so far as to informe me "Some people are simply destined to use drugs in the samae manner that others are destined to be homosexual. It is therefore your responisiblity as a parent to provide safe drugs and a safe envioronment in order to to use them" I was warned that interfering with her drug use or sex life is considered child abuse. When the daughter made death threats, I was warned that if she ever carried them out, it would be defended as justifiable due to the mental abuse I was inflicting upon her. In our final confrontation, they both began to beat on me furiously. Once again I was accused of being abusive because I refused to reel from their blows and taunted them with "Is that as hard as you can hit?" They became so furious that they hurt their hands in the process of hitting me. When things cooled down, She informed me that she would rather have a husband who was physically abusive than one who mentally abused her like I did. My response was "Any man who beats his wife is the lowest form of life there is! If you consider me worse than that, I can no longer be your husband!" I moved out an filed for divorce. She begged for reconciliation but the terms were always that I needed counseling.
By any secular standard, i would be considered justified in what I did but I also know that I myself failed in many aspects and was convicted of my wrongs. It was not until I went to a Promise keepers rally wher I was able to get on my knees and place my guilt at the foot of the Cross.
I am now remarried. I have another stepdaughter who is turning out to be wonderfull. We also have two daughters of our own.
I do not absolve myself of what I did but I am currently belssed with a wonderfull family and have placed any guilt I have at the Foot of the Cross. Click here to reply to this post
Divorced and remarried
Posted On: 12/20/07 03:17:37 PM
Age 61, MO
Your honest testimony can only be received well by our heavenly Father. You have not denied the Truth of God as revealed in the Bible in order to justify your deeds. You have laid your burden at the foot of the Cross. Essentially, you have repented of any adultery by so doing. George Cancilla Click here to reply to this post
Forgiveness
Posted On: 12/20/07 08:54:20 AM
Age 41, IN
I read and hear about this teaching quite frequently and it is useful for Christians who are contemplating separation and divorce. But what about our Christian brothers and sisters who have already made the mistake of divorce and remarriage? I think those people are often forgotten and made to feel as if they have committed the unforgiveable sin. Let's not forget to show them love and mercy and help them in their healing process. Click here to reply to this post
There are two situations that would allow the woman to marry again, and anyone to marry her in accordance with Scripture:
1) If her husband was unfaithful. However, if his unfaithfulness was influenced by her unfaithfulness, then we have a different situation.
2) If her husband divorced her against her desire to stay married. His decision was based on his own desires to divorce. And again, his decision must be free of influence from her.
In simple terms, some people who identify themselves as Christians may try to influence their spouses to divorce them by making their lives miserable in every aspect except committing adultery; and when the spouse does divorce, they would consider themselves "free" because the spouse was the one who divorced. But God cannot be fooled by such a supposed "legal loophole." God knows the hearts and intents of every person.
The only way this pastor can be free of practicing sin is if the wife, sincerely, tried to stay together with her ex-husband but he left. Or, he was unfaithful to her, because of his own desires to do so and not because she had influenced him.
Now, this is not to say that a man who is influenced by his wife to commit adultery will not pay the consequence of his sin. In situations where the wife influences the man to commit adultery so that she can be "free," and the man does so, both will face the consequence of divorce outside of the boundaries permitted by Jesus Christ.
I hope this answers your question. Click here to reply to this post
re: pastor
Posted On: 12/21/07 11:05:43 PM
Age 52, GA
Actually the leader of a church as defined in the New Testament would be a Bishop, or at least adhere to those qualifications. It seems many in the church business prefer to be called pastors these days, because there are no strict qualifications as for a bishop. Pastor = shepherd, someone the leads and guides dumb sheep. The Word has the answers you seek. Porter +++ Click here to reply to this post
Does Matthew 19:3-10 permit remarriage?
Posted On: 12/20/07 05:07:40 AM
Age 55, PARAGUAY
Steve, I read your article with interest. My question centers on your statement that the Matthew 19 passage permits divorce and remarriage. Separation and perhaps divorce but Mark 10:11-12 supports a no remarriage position. The marriage covenant is binding until death regardless of separation in cases of infidelity or perhaps abuse. The American culture has turned marriage into little more than a choice. Sadly divorce has been exported and is now permitted in the Latin American nation where we now minister. Click here to reply to this post
We must stop making excuses and repent.
Posted On: 01/02/08 02:15:19 PM
Age 28, KY
As a minister of the gospel this topic has convicted me more than any other. Churches in this day and age have made so many excuses for divorce and remarriage because our leaders and our ministers are living in adultery. As a child of divorce I wanted to know the truth for myself without listening to the so-called professionals of the day and listening to all these excuses. After studying God's word and studying what the Anti-Nicene father's taught I have found the truth and it has set me free. I have noticed people as we study all the clear verses such as Mark 10:2-12, Luke 16:18, Romans 7:2-3, I Corinthians 7:10-11, and I Corinthians 7:39 say, "Oh, now I have found the truth", but then they go back to some minister or respected person and they start making all the excuses. It is sad that we as Christians have influenced people wrongly for Christ. When will people stick up for what Jesus has to say? Marriage is between one man, one woman, for life. We are not to marry a divorced person because if we do we are not keeping open the doors of reconciliation for them and they still living spouse. Instead we are helping them to committ adultery. Why would we want to help someone sin? Paul tells us in I Corinthians 7 to either remain unmarried or be reconciled to our spouse. Two choices not several like those of the Erasmian view choose to wrongly tell us. Click here to reply to this post
