Of all the radio programs I have done and all of the articles I have written, I regularly receive more e-mails on one topic than any other. That subject is verbal abuse. I am always receiving e-mails from women (and some men) about a verbally abusive relationship they are in and have come across the material on the Probe website.
Perhaps you are in such a relationship or know someone who is in a verbally abusive relationship. It is also possible that no one even knows your circumstances or you have a friend and do not know what he or she is going through. Verbal abuse is a kind of battering which doesn’t leave evidence comparable to the bruises of physical battering. You (or your friend) may be suffering in silence and isolation.
Sometimes when someone reads my list of characteristics of a verbally abusive relationship, the light goes on. For the first time, that person realizes what has been taking place and now has a name for it. But recognizing it and doing something about it are often two different things. What should you do?
The Bible clearly warns us about the dangers of an angry person. Proverbs 22:24 says, “Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man.” And Proverbs 29:22 says, “An angry man stirs up strife, and a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression.”
It is not God’s will for you (or your friend) to be in a verbally abusive relationship. Those angry and critical words will destroy your confidence and self-esteem. Being submissive in a marriage relationship (Ephesians 5:22) does not mean allowing yourself to be verbally beaten by your partner. 1 Peter 3:1 does teach that wives, by being submissive to their husbands, may win them to Christ by their behavior. But it does not teach that they must allow themselves to be verbally or physically abused.
If you (or your friend) are being verbally abused, do something about it. Contact your pastor or trusted friend and get help. You don’t deserve to be treated like this.
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I've often wondered about this. These days, it seemeth me that it would be profitable not so much to the victim as to the offender for there to be a separation. I don't recall that Jesus granted that we might divorce for abuse (although for adultery, IIRC, He's approved it); however, removing the temptation from the abuser--and reminding him/her how lonely it gets when you don't mind your manners--might be helpful.--Mrs. Pilgrim Click here to reply to this post
Re: Verbal Abuse
Posted On: 11/08/07 03:47:39 PM
Age 36, AR
Kerby,
Amen as well. I had verbal abuse inflicted on me on different occasions by two different pastors! Both individuals were into nothing but absolute control. One was a church pastor. The other pastor was a campus minister! In both instances, the ministers wanted to divide the church or church group into those who would support the minister and those who would not. If you were on the wrong side, you received verbal abuse!
I learned about spiritual abuse from Pat Zukeran who wrote an article at Probe Ministries web site about the topic of "Spiritual Abuse."
I have kept my distance from one of the pastor who still to this day has control of a campus ministry. Woe to the young people who participate with that group! Click here to reply to this post
Re: Verbal Abuse
Posted On: 11/08/07 09:50:12 AM
Age 57, MN
amen Kerby.
LOVE your wife as JESUS loves the CHURCH, where does that speak of being verbally abused.
NOW talk to some pastors, and they say this isnt a reason to leave a man.
NO woman was made to be TORE down by her husband.
WE are not to be put under this thumb or foot.
MUTUAL love and respect,is what it means to LOVE THE LORD.
JESUS would never do that to a woman.
YET many in the church think its still ok to make women look like they are less.
I hear it all the time.
I say I Dont want to walk in front or behind you, but along side of you.
WE are NOT to be made less of.
thank you Kirby, for letting women out there, they dont need to think, being submissive( which is taught incorrectly today) means being knocked down with words.
( this works both ways too ladies). Click here to reply to this post
Re: Verbal Abuse
Posted On: 11/08/07 09:07:04 AM
Age 61, MO
Thank you very much for this article. I agree with it, and know personally some people who could benefit from reading it. They have been misled about Biblical submission of women at all costs. George Cancilla Click here to reply to this post
Re: Verbal Abuse
Posted On: 11/08/07 08:42:36 AM
Age 34, MN
Bless you for touching on this subject! I am a Christian woman who is a small group leader in my church. I volunteer and minister to others in my church and community but Jesus has opened my eyes to realize that I am in a verbally abusive marriage that has only escalated since I have placed God into the center of my heart. My husband of 13 years also belongs to our church but travels a lot so he isn't able to be involved in accountable relationships but no one would suspect it if they looked at us amongst the congregation. It's shameful and isolating at many levels but articles like this speak light into those of us who are enduring it and need to hear Godly encouragment and to give understanding to others that may not suspect this happening to others they are serving with! Click here to reply to this post
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