The Emperor has…Women’s clothes   

or: Pin the Republican tail on the Donkey

Abraham Lincoln once asked, “If we call the tail a leg, then how many legs does a dog have?”

The reply: Five.

“No,” Lincoln said, “Just because you call a tail a leg doesn’t make it so.”

Here’s another question: if you call a liberal Democrat a Republican, how many Republican “front-runners” do we have?  No, just because you call a Democrat a Republican doesn’t make it so. And the “Eleventh Commandment”: "Thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow Republican," doesn’t apply to Democrats with a plastic “R” behind their name. 

I’ve had enough of “conservatives” who try to appear “reasonable” by embracing high name-ID candidates who wouldn’t know a conservative Republican value if it bit them in the primary.  I had a guest on my show recently that started to talk about the “reality” of having to accept one of the early frontrunners OR Hillary Clinton (whose fake southern accent is sure to deliver her votes in North Carolina).   “Who else could possibly win against Hillary?” he asked smugly.  Well, for starters, Fred Thompson is tied with Hillary in the polls, and he isn’t even running yet.  

Let’s talk about “Reality.”  History is strewn with the bodies of early front-runners for whom “reality” dictated the nomination…just ask Elizabeth Dole, Phil Graham, or George Allen.   And in August of 1991, an unknown candidate announced the formation of a committee to explore a presidential run.  No one ever heard of him.  A guy by the name of…Bill Clinton.  He, incidentally, came from a state with the same number of electoral votes as…Sam Brownback.

Reality?  On election night 2000 I was being interviewed on the very same station as my “oh so rational” guest.  During that interview, the “reality” was that my state of Florida was declared for Al Gore.  I vividly remember hanging up the phone and getting on my knees—asking the God to “take the state of Florida from Al Gore and give it to George Bush.”  He did.  “Reality reports” don’t intimidate me so much any more.

And for the disgruntled “third party” enthusiasts, here’s a newsflash: the Republican Party Platform agrees with those of us who stand for life, liberty and the family.  You don’t “jump ship” when it’s our ship—we just need the right captain to steer it back on course. 

But the captain we need isn’t Rudy Giuliani.   Giuliani told the 1998 RNC Summer meeting the way to get elected is to sacrifice ``one principle here or one principle there.''  Sacrifice principles like “the right to life” here, “the right to bear arms there” and give special rights to homosexuals while you’re at it.  Even more liberal than the Democratic-controlled New York City Council, Giuliani pushed for——cash and prizes—for homosexual sex.   He then codified the domestic partnership benefits package by granting all city employees tax-funded benefits just for engaging in dangerous homosexual behavior.   Mitt Romney wants to subsidize sodomy by rewarding “homosexual (domestic) partners” with a taxpayer funded benefits, as well.   Why is this a bad idea?  For the same reason we don’t hand out the children’s book:  “Heather’s Two Cigarettes” in elementary school.  You don’t finance and encourage dangerous behavior.  But homosexual sex isn’t like smoking.  Right—homosexual sex is three times more dangerous than smoking.

The Canadian Medical Association Journal (January 11, 2000) said, “Among young gay and bisexual men in Vancouver, the HIV/AIDS epidemic has reduced life expectancy by up to 20 years.”[i]    And according to the New England Journal of Medicine (February 12, 1998), smoking on the other hand, reduces your life expectancy “7.3 years for men and 6.0 years for women.”[ii]    And that doesn’t even touch the other life-threatening risks.

Other studies reveal that homosexuals experience:

• A twenty-five to thirty-year decrease in life expectancy
• Chronic, potentially fatal, liver disease—infectious hepatitis, which increases the risk of liver cancer
• Inevitably fatal immune disease including associated cancers
• Frequently fatal rectal cancer
• Multiple bowel and other infectious diseases
• A much higher than usual incidence of suicide[iii]

Not to mention Hepatitis A, B, and C, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Gay Bowel Syndrome, Anal Cancer, Anal and Genital warts, and domestic violence just to name a few. 

Apparently it’s having somewhat of a negative impact abroad, as well.  We just sent $15 billion of our tax dollars to Africa to fight HIV and AIDS over there.  Yep.  What we need is MORE behavior that leads to that.  Good call guys.  And the way you get more of something is, of course, to fund it.

But the Giuliani /Romney “bring your partner” to your health care provider won’t cost that much—right?  After all corporations are doing it all over the place.  Oh, there’s one corporation that doesn’t.  They said it was “cost prohibitive.”  That group?  The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. [iv] (The Washington Blade on March 7, 2003 headlines read: “National homosexual lobby cut same-sex benefit for its own employees” "Glaring hypocrisy," charges critic after revelation.”) 

The homosexual lobby admitted what Giuliani and Romney won’t.  If bringing your partner to your insurance provider is “prohibitively expensive for the homosexual lobby, imagine how this Giuliani/Romney plan would break the healthcare bank.  Can’t picture it?  Go back and take a look at those diseases again.

But his high name recognition has the pundits declaring Giuliani as the front-running “emperor.”  Well, somebody needs to say it; the emperor has…women’s clothes.  Can’t you just see the terrorists holding up pictures of “our President” in drag—without the benefit of photo-shop?  Oh, and there’s plenty from which to choose, including this little number:  A dolled-up Giuliani says to “Victor/Victoria”: “I already play a Republican playing a Democrat playing a Republican.”  Look, our country is at stake.  This isn’t a time for dress-up.  (See other fabulous Giuliani outfits here and here and here.)

But don’t go running to Romney.  Note to conservative wanna-be’s:  If you want to appeal to the conservative base, when you go on Larry King, DON’T bash the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff  by calling his mainstream moral views “inappropriate.”  And how comforting it is that Romney wouldn’t change the “don’t ask don’t tell” policy—“now.”  Will he change it later?  Don’t ask.  He won’t tell. 

No, Lincoln was right; re-naming a tail won’t give us a leg to stand on.  The reality is we need a REAL Republican.  And you just don’t get one by pinning a “Republican tail” on a donkey. 

By Janet L. Folger Click here for bio and archived articles