Don't Give Spiritual Custody of Your Children to The Church

By Ray Baumann

America saw the days of manufacturing leave us some time ago. We live in a truly global economy. Look at the labels on your clothes right now. My shoes were made in China, my shirt in India, and my pants in Macau. Pick up a few items around you and see where they were made. My assumption is that most were made in China. Does America make anything? There are few things for which Americans actually have to labor to make anymore. I guess we figure why make the effort if someone else will do it for half the cost? All in the name of cheap labor.

I want to address another outsourcing epidemic happening in our churches. I know you’re trying to figure this out. No, I’m not talking about bringing in preachers from overseas and paying them less money than your current pastor. I’m talking about the church taking away responsibilities (labor) from parents.

Before you proceed, remember who is writing this; a father of four and a youth pastor by profession. I am offended at the direction this article is going and I’m the author! This will be a first; an author leaving negative feedback on his own article. I need to be offended once in a while. It makes me stop and evaluate my methods against scripture. It also pushes me and it doesn’t feel good.

For the last 20 years we have seen the same pathetic results from our ministry to kids. I do know there are some exceptions and praise the Lord for those, but our approach to youth ministry must change. It is true stupidity to continue to repeat the same process over and over and expect a different result. The saying, “If you want something done right you have to do it yourself,” fits so perfectly with training up children because that is the only way it will happen. Raising God-honoring children is an investment few are willing to make. There is great cost involved, thus, many are looking for cheap labor.

You see, the church offers program after program and ministry after ministry directed at our kids. The church believes they can effectively disciple children without their parents, i.e., youth ministry. After 10 years of youth ministry I wish I could go back and spend more time discipling and resourcing parents. The church is failing in youth ministry because it has segregated the family.   

If Mom and Dad are looking for the “just add water” approach to discipling their children, the church has a program to do it for you (aka, cheap labor), but it has an extreme failure rate. There is no sacrifice too big, no cost too high, in exchange for shepherding your own children. The church sees discipleship as a 12 week program, and that has never worked. No wonder the church can only retain minimal students when they graduate high school.

It seems everyone has an answer for reaching today’s kids. Some say it’s a certain curriculum, some say buy your kids good Christian music, take them to a conference or music festival, send them to a Christian college, but it is not working. I don’t believe any of those things are bad, but they are not the answer.

Youth ministry has become big business because parents would rather put kids in a program then have to do it themselves. Youth ministries would be unnecessary if the believers took their biblical mandate to parent seriously. There would be prayer and study going on at home. Imagine that--having church with just your family. 

Why is it a great concern for many parents that a church has a children’s or youth ministry program? Because parents are looking to sign over spiritual custody of their children to the church. The last place I want my kids to hear about Jesus is on Sunday. We need to continually reference teachings out of the Bible to our children at home.

The sad statistic here is not that high school graduates are leaving churches in droves, but that parents didn’t prioritize imparting faith to their kids at home. As they say, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. 

Here is the answer: its called family ministry, where Dad and Mom lead the way they should, biblically. The church should resource the family to spend time together, not segregate all the time. The church should help protect family time instead of taking it away with a million programs throughout the week. It sounds pretty radical; it goes against the flow of mainstream Christianity. But then again, have we aligned ourselves with popular opinion or the Word of God?

Mom and Dad need to reprioritize, even if it means taking different jobs and giving up hobbies.  Sacrifices must be made when it comes to Godly parenting.  Family time is a must. Kids must see mom and dad lead by example. But just like big business, which favors outsourcing, it would be too costly to give training and discipling back to parents; it may affect their bottom line.

Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go and, when he is old, he will not depart from it."

By Ray Baumann Email: Ray.baumann@mac.com Click here for bio and archived articles